Archive for the ‘My Own’ Category

So, here we are at 37+ weeks and I finally had the chance to take some pictures of my belly with my family.  That was the last thing on the “must do” list before Lemonhead’s arrival, so we are good to go any time:).  I want to express my thanks to my wonderful family who are always so kind and patient with me and my crazy ideas.  My darling husband shot most of these shots (lots of bringing me the camera so I could check things out and adjust the light, pose, composition, etc.) and my wonderful mother shot the rest.  It’s always hard as a photographer to be on the other side of the lens, I think.  But I know, I KNOW how grateful I will continue to be that we spent the time to find clothes and to take these images.  As a young mother of just one or two kids, everything felt so epic that I never thought I would forget any of the motherhood stuff.  Now, as a perpetually sleep-deprived not-as-young mother of almost 5, I realize that my memory is unreliable at best.  What a blessing to live in a day when photographs are so readily available.  I am so grateful for what I am able to do to capture the milestones in my own life and in the lives of my beautiful clients.  I am a lucky, lucky girl:).

Lemonhead, 37 weeks:

37Weeks241-blog

37Weeks084-Edit-Editblog

37Weeks100-blog

37Weeks032-blog

37Weeks010-blog

37Weeks047-Edit-Editblog

37Weeks074-Edit-Editblog

37Weeks118-blog

blog

37Weeks172-blog

37Weeks176-blog

37Weeks222-blog

37Weeks230-blog

37Weeks252-web

To my sweet baby-girl-to-be, we are ready and we cannot wait to meet you! You are already more loved than you can possibly know.

Anyone wanna guess when she’ll be here?

Just a fun visual update on our little Lemonhead (who the girls are starting to call “Mango” now–apparently we’ve done a good job keeping them away from old episodes of Saturday Night Live because they don’t really understand why I can’t use that name).

I can say with 100% certainty that my body knows exactly how to stretch out to accommodate baby #5–I’m waddling around already:).

24weeks-2

24weeks-1

26weeks-2

26weeks-1

26weeks-3

So, so much thanks to my baby sister Stephanie who took these for me.  She’s a photography major at BYU and I just can’t wait until she graduates and I can convince her to come live with me and shoot with me all the time.  3 weeks is not long enough–we miss her already!

Field

Isn’t she gorgeous?!

Why I do what I do.

I don’t know if it’s the current climate of custom photography right now or the fact that I have all sorts of extra pregnancy-related hormones currently coursing through my body, but I have been thinking a lot about pregnancy, birth, and that almost inexplicable miracle of new life.  Because the vast majority of my professional work allows me to be a part of this special time in the lives of my clients, and because I can’t help but daydream about photographing this new little person about to join our family in a few months, I have been thinking a lot about what I do and why I do it.

Confession.  I never wanted to be a working mom.  Growing up, I always had interests and was a devoted student, and, like any other kid, I ran through the list of “some-day” dream careers: marine biologist (a.k.a. dolphin trainer at Sea World), investigative reporter, CIA agent (too many of my dad’s Tom Clancy novels, I think), chemist, actress, ballet dancer, chef, curator or even just an art docent.  In the back of my head, though, I knew what I really wanted was to be a mom, and I kind of knew I couldn’t be the kind of mom that I wanted to be and work outside the home at the same time.  Not that other people can’t, but I knew myself and my personality well enough to know that I couldn’t.  Somehow, even as a twelve-year old.  I knew I wanted to be the kind of mom that my mom was, and to be there in the home for even the boring and frustrating everyday parts of motherhood.  I think my teachers and friends in high school were a bit alarmed when I didn’t express the proper anxiety over choosing a major to list on my college applications, stating, “Well, it doesn’t really matter what I study, as long as I study something and love it.  I really just want to stay home with my kids anyway.”  I think the words “throwing away talent” were mentioned more than once.

So, I went off to college a declared chemistry major, worked and studied my tail off, switched to art history where I was surrounded by absolute beauty every day and worked my tail off even harder, and graduated near the top of my class with absolutely no intention of putting my degree into action in the near future.  The education?  Absolutely.  The degree? No.  Why?  Because during the studying and the working off of my little tail, I met the most wonderful man, married him, and had my first baby.  I already had my dream career.

With the arrival of each of my children, I was just bathed in this feeling of love and awe for the people who cared for me during the birth process.  I would routinely think, “Man, why didn’t I go to nursing school so that I could take care of other women and babies–to be a part of this process every day?  That would be bliss.”  Then I remembered my own little people at home and wanting to be with them, and eventually that feeling would pass.  After the arrival of my second daughter, which was a kind of unplanned and spontaneously unmedicated birth, I thought, “Maybe when my kids are all grown, I would like to become a doula.  What a blessing it would be to be there for women in labor.  To let them know how amazing they are and to help them through the birth process.”  By this time, it wasn’t hard to remember that the schedule required for working with birthing moms was not the easiest to coordinate with my own schedule, or rather that of my growing family.  The feeling would pass, but it was always in the back of my mind as a future possibility.

In the meantime, I was discovering the world of photography outside of school.  I had a few experiences in college and after graduation that just really convinced me of the importance and power of a visual record of life.  That same part of me that longed to be a spy or to spend all day in a kitchen or lit up on a stage, started to yearn for the opportunity to immerse myself in focal length and aperture and composition and the decisive moment and the absolute beauty of an image.  But this time, it didn’t pass.  I even kind of hoped it would.

So, now I have two careers.  One planned for, hoped for, and long-awaited.  One that just kind of snuck up on me, but took hold, buried deep in my heart, and would not let go.  I do love the visual aspect of my job.  I enjoy photography.  I love the play of light and shadow.  I love the interaction of color and the timelessness and simplicity of black and white.  I am amazed by the detail and the moments that can be captured through a camera and lens–by the emotions and memories that a strong image can convey.  I like the challenge of trying to make each session new or better than the one before.  I adore beautiful things–life is so much better with them in it.  But… I could have had all of that (and I did) without running a business.  Why I do what I do, I think, is so that I can be near miracles every day.  I put countless hours into planning and studying and working my tail off, sometimes at odd hours and at menial and boring tasks (read book-keeping, etc.), because I can’t get over the elation of being invited in to this most precious and magical time in the lives of so many families.

Do I have the same amount of time to be the mom I always wanted to be?  No, I don’t.  It’s not possible.  Is finding a balance painful and sometimes completely elusive?  Absolutely.  Is it worth the struggle to have the privilege of witnessing the miracle of life over and over and over again?  Without a doubt.

As I sit here at 4:30 in the morning, after crawling in and out of bed with baby girl #3 who awoke with nightmares and needed a snuggle, unable to return to sleep myself, I am just overwhelmed with gratitude for a life so full.  So full of, well, life.  What a lucky girl I am to have found a way to marry two passions and still be able to devote my life to my first chosen career.  What a lucky girl I am to be entrusted with capturing these brand new little people as they grow and change and unfold.  In between the laundry, the dishes, the calculating sales tax, the nausea and exhaustion, and the occasionally feeling pulled in a million opposite directions and wanting to pull my hair out, life is pretty darn amazing.  And for that, I am eternally grateful.

New-York-newborn-photographer

20wks1

GIRL!!!!!  Let the insanity begin (or rather continue!)!!!

20wks2

20wks3

Baby Gap, here I come;).

So I am trying to be better this time around at documenting the progression of this pregnancy.  Plus, it’s so funny when you are still pretty early in pregnancy and you feel like a house already and then you see a picture and think, “Oh, I am not even a condo yet, maybe just a pup tent.”  When I was 11 weeks along, I just happened to be in the pediatrician’s office and just happened to pick up a magazine which just happened to have a small blurb about how at 11 weeks your baby is about the size of a large lime.  Well, that was just too fun, so we started calling the baby “Baby Lime.”  After a week or two, we decided Baby Lime must have grown to at least lemon-size, so we named the baby “Lemonhead.”  And it stuck.  Because, really, who doesn’t want to give birth to something with a head the size of a lemon.  Wishful thinking, I know, but it beats the other fruit analogies coming up in the not too distant future (watermelon, anyone?).

On a side note, I have very limited openings for the rest of the year at this point.  I have one session available in May, one in June and one in late July.  I have a crazy busy summer of travel coming up and then a baby of my own to cuddle.  If you are due late September through December, feel free to contact me and I will put you on a waiting list for my light postpartum work load:).

So, without further ado, Baby Lemonhead at 17 and 19 weeks gestational age:

17weeks

19weeks

We are hoping it will only be two more days until we know if it’s a boy lemon or a girl lemon–wish us luck!